Luci Phurr’s Imps “Cookies & the Call Center” #11

This strip contains three times the R.D.A. of blahs and forms the basis of a balanced breakfast when combined with one cup of a healthy whole-wheat or oat-based cereal; 4ozs of milk (2% is probably better for you, but c’mon, that’s basically like drinking white water… and the fat free stuff… that IS white water!); an 8oz glass of juice (the real stuff… at a pinch, go for the from concentrate stuff, but avoid those juice cocktails… they’re all corn syrup and artificial flavorings); maybe a slice of whole wheat toast if you’re still hungry.

If you’re reading this strip at lunch or dinner time… grab a burger and fries of something.



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Discussion (45) ¬

  1. Tegger the ORWA Tank Engine

    Are the minions of hell losing there touch? or is Luci’s dad just THAT dense? also, how can the switchboard be worse that The Girl From Ipanima…? there logic goes backwards, unless the switchboard has the rough equivilant of a saudaring iron grazing both your ears slowly at first then ending with an abrupt end…and I judge you salisria…harshly! (some one has to)

  2. Keylaleigh

    No… I think I need more blahs. Many, many, more blahs.

  3. dale_mettam

    WHOA!

    Am I the only one with a feeling of deja vu?

  4. dale_mettam

    I’m not a Doctor, but I play one in this comments section. As a faux trained and unlicensed professional, I have to advise that one should always moderate one’s intake of blahs.

    Blah binging on Monday morning however seems to be unavoidable and is often followed by a severe case of the mid-afternoon Mehs.

  5. Byakugan01

    I do believe that Lou represents the bottomost percentile for human intelligence…as in, there’s no one beneath him. Either that, or he’s deaf.

  6. dale_mettam

    Did you ever see like those Journey to the Center of the Land Before Time movies? And Doug McClure is in like about 53 of them, and he is always the square-jawed (mostly on account of his amazing square jaw) hero. The movies all have terrible monsters and danger that would drive the average person insane… or in need of clean underwear. But Doug is there, and he’s got his square jaw. As such, he’s completely oblivious to the danger he’s in.

    THAT is Lou.

    And lest there be ANY doubt left in your minds about WHY Lou is the way he is, I refer you here. He was a local TV Weatherman. Do I need to go on?

  7. Tegger the ORWA Tank Engine

    oh HO! the plot thickens! the little bundels of pain and desicration were ment for luci’s father! who seems to have memory loss…wouldnt he remember contacting hell? he seemed pretty shocked to get a phone bill from there… but i guess this did happen quite a few years ago when he was young and would have done anything to get his wish…or a creme cheese covered bagel…whichever he was craving at the time…(i only assume he craves bagels, in no way do i know that he does, or any other characters in this comic, crave any thing…other than your daily dose of BLAH! which im sure the people talking to lou have by now had more than is recomended, and have gone in to a comatose state from over exposure…)

  8. L.C.S

    “Grab a burger and fries of something.” So not just french fries then? Calf fries are also an option? ๐Ÿ˜€

  9. dale_mettam

    I’m from Britain where some bright-spark decided deep-frying batter-coated Snickers bars seemed like a good idea. Whatever you wanna make crispy via boiling fat is fine by me. Whatever floats your boat and clogs your arteries.

  10. dale_mettam

    As for Lou’s memory… I don’t know that he even really knew what he was signing. As a local TV weatherman, anyone who offered him more viewers probably just seemed like a guy from a rival TV station with a bigger market-share.

    And let’s be honest, if you were doing the 5am weather forecast all the way through until the 11pm weather round-up and look-ahead; AND were the guy they sent outside the studio every time it snowed; AND the guy they stood in a field for a live update every time a tornado was spotted; AND the guy sent down to the beach every time a Category 5 Hurricane was due to make landfall, you might consider ANY new option a viable one to explore… especially if you got your own office that wasn’t a converted stationery closet as well.

  11. Salisria

    I know I mentioned that I thought that โ€œThe Girl from Ipanemaโ€ wasn’t hellacious enough, but if you’re going to send Lou to the Automated Switchboard, shouldn’t you raise the rating at TWC from PG to either PG-13 or R?

  12. dale_mettam

    You think we’re crossing into “cruel and unusual” type hellishness, then?

  13. Dangerdoll

    I despise automated switchboards, if I’m calling I need to speak to a human! grrr. But i love online instant operators, go figure? lol

  14. dale_mettam

    But do the online instant operators have musak?

  15. L.C.S


    You do know what calf fries are, right?

    They’re basically batter-covered bull testicles that are deep fried.
    Yeeeeah. Welcome to America.

    I like automated switchboards. If I loose my temper at them, I don’t risk getting sued.

  16. dale_mettam

    And that is so much worse that deep-fried candy?

    ……..

    OK, yeah… it’s TOTALLY worse.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go vomit.

  17. L.C.S

    I’d try it. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Chocolate covered bacon is supposed to be good too. People eat strange things were I live…

  18. dale_mettam

    Actually saw some of that in the store the other day. Also heard of bacon flavored vodka… the breakfast of champions!

    I have a friend who believes that any food is enhanced by the addition of bacon, shake’n’bake or both. His ideal would be shake’n’baked bacon.

  19. L.C.S

    Yay for swine flesh! *shudders*
    My brother is that way. The only reason I haven’t done a drastic intervention is because the only way to get him to eat anything is to A) Put bacon on it B) Put cheese on it C)Put more bacon on it. He doesn’t put bacon bits on his potato; he puts potato under his bacon bits!

  20. dale_mettam

    As nature intended it!

  21. L.C.S

    Blech! I like pork (especially in fried rice), but the texture of bacon and sausage is just…not my thing. I love pepper-crusted pork chops. I love souvlaki (especially with pita bread and feta on the side)! Bacon and sausage? My turn to puke, I think.

    Chocolate covered bacon seriously turns my stomach more than calf-fries.

    Chocolate covered Pringles on the other hand… I will gladly sell my soul to you provided you pay me in a lifetime supply of chocolate covered Pringles.
    It’s like a chocolate covered pretzel. Only better.

  22. dale_mettam

    If you want pork, get some Eastern North Carolina BBQ. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. B-B-Q.

  23. L.C.S

    BBQ! Yummy! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Great, now I’m hungry again. And I just ate too.

  24. dale_mettam

    Spicy vinegary meaty goodness.

  25. Byakugan01

    PErsonally, I’m a fan of turkey bacon healthier for you, and it’s more meaty than regular bacon (which is the reason i prefer it-it actually tastes like I’m eating meat). And for the record…fried oreos taste great.

  26. dale_mettam

    See, that’s why you need BRITISH bacon. Not the pig fat you guys call bacon.

    Oh yes.

    I went there.

  27. L.C.S

    There’s a lot of stuff that’s better when you get the British verison.
    Actors, tea (and I’m not just being stereotypical; best blend I ever had was British), and apparently bacon as well.

    I’m so going to England some day and buying a twelve pack of each. :)

  28. dale_mettam

    Just promise me you won’t JUST do the London but. London isn’t real. It’s basically a big British Theme Park where they charge ten-times as much for things of half-quality, that is “quaint.”

    When you’ve done that, go North. York, Chester and Whitby for starters.

  29. L.C.S

    London is on the list of places in England I want to go. I think I’d definitely want to go to Whitby too. There’s also some smaller towns/villages I want to visit because supposedly (according to my dad) that’s where our family came from. :)

  30. dale_mettam

    Where abouts? Which smaller towns? We might be cousins!

    Pray that’s not the cause. BWAH HA HA HA HA HAR!

  31. comichero

    Wooo you gotta love the Minnesota state fair as the deep fried snickers the chocolate covered bacon and the deep fired oreo all came from some glorious mad genious in my wonderful state also created peed fried icecream and cheesecake

  32. dale_mettam

    I’m thinking this comments section should come with a warning from the Surgeon General.

    I can feel my arteries hardening just reading it!

    And I hope “my wonderful state also created peed fried icecream and cheesecake” is a typo, ‘cos I don’t want anything fried in pee!

  33. Salisria

    Eastern North Carolina BBQ!?! Dale, Dale, Dale, the only true BBQ comes from central South Carolina and uses a mustard-based sauce. Still, at least vinegar and pepper shows more class that what most people think of when they think of BBQ. Tomatoes should not be wasted by being used to make ketchup and “BBQ sauce”.My own preference is for heaping tomato sandwiches, lightly garnished with a hamburger.

  34. dale_mettam

    I don’t like most BBQ sauces. You guys seem to put sugar in everything and there are VERY few things that I like to mix my sweet and savory tastes in (including chocolate coated potato-based snacks!).

    I don’t actually know that I’ve had the mustard based one, but I LOVE the vinegar one. That said, you gotta remember, I’m originally from England. I grew up on Fish and Chips and usually would just swig a bottle of Malt Vinegar with each meal. I need that vinegar fix… as Courtney will confirm, I need SOMETHING to take the intensity off my incredibly sweet nature.

    And now I’m sad.

    It’s been so long since I had some real Fish & Chips… and mushy peas.

    First person to suggest Arthur Treachers gets a punch in the face (see what I mean about that natural sweetness?).

  35. Salisria

    Mustard based does have some sweetness (traditionally from apple cider), but not nearly as much as what most folks think of as “BBQ sauce”.

  36. Chibichibi

    >.>

    I survived.

    And the switchboard? HAET. I may be alright with thw song, but automated crap is just terrible D:

  37. comichero

    Indeed it was a typo and error onmy part ment to say deep fried i hav3e a severe case of stupid fingers and it like to act up now and then

  38. L.C.S

    Somewhere near Barmby on the Marsh. Supposedly our ancestors moved to America during the second Jamestown, so we’ve been Americanized for a while. (Sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing…)

    My dad makes fish and chips every once and while. It’s delicious! (In a vinegar soaked, artery-clogging way.) I wonder how it compares to the real deal.

    Best bbq sauce is the one you make yourself. :)

  39. dale_mettam

    Barmby! Yorkshire blood in you! We might be related in some long-lost kinda way… can you lpan me $50? We ARE like family!

    And remember, never ask a man if he’s from Yorkshire… if he is, he’ll tell you; if he isn’t, no point embarrassing him. ๐Ÿ˜€

  40. L.C.S

    Cousin! *hugs*
    Unfortunately, dear cousin, I have no money. But I will lend you $50 dollars if you lend me $50 dollars. :)

    So what’s so embarrassing about Yorkshire?

  41. dale_mettam

    Actually it is rather that one shouldn’t point out the obvious lack of quality in the people who are not from Yorkshire. They can’t help it, so it’d be rude to embarrass them by pointing out they are just not quiet as awesome.

    And that whole thing with the loan me a loan for yourself… that proves we must be related in some way! ๐Ÿ˜€

  42. L.C.S

    Sweet to know my ancestors come from such an awesome part of England then. ๐Ÿ˜€

    So in other words be a poverty-stricken smart-ass runs in the family?

    Yeah, I can see that. :)

  43. dale_mettam

    There are probably more attractive ways of describing it… but that pretty much nails the idea. ๐Ÿ˜€

  44. L.C.S

    Ah, excuse me. A merry rogue in a dire financial situation yet in possession a sardonic sense of humor. ๐Ÿ˜›

  45. dale_mettam

    There ya go. ๐Ÿ˜€